“You cannot change the people around you, but you can choose the people you want to be around.”
So I know some of you may be thinking that I’ve got my seasons a bit confused, but that all depends on if you’re following the meteorological or astronomical calendar.
For the sake of my great title, we will be following the astronomical calendar. ?
Regardless of the dreary weather and rain we’ve had in London, it is still spring (just go along with it please) – a time of growth, rebirth and renewal.
Many of you may be giving your houses or bedrooms a much needed deep clean – I certainly need to. However, another aspect in our lives that may be in serious need of a good spring cleaning, is our friendships.
As you get older, you begin to realise that it is not the number of friends that you have that is important, but the quality of those friendships. If your friend doesn’t motivate and support you, then maybe they aren’t really your friend after all.
Cutting people out of your life may not always be the easiest thing, but sometimes it is the best thing. Some people (yes even some of your friends!) are just not really here for you! Identify these flawed friendships and determine whether your friendship can be saved or if these “friends” need to be swept out of your life.
Don’t be too hasty to cut your friends off, especially if you have been friends for years or have been through a lot together. Talk to them and let them know how you feel and also listen to what they have to say. Try and identify the issues in your friendship and address them, but in order to achieve this you both have to want to fix your friendship. If after trying all this, you aren’t able to come to a compromise, then maybe it’s time to go your separate ways. Unfortunately not all friendships are meant to last a life time.
To help you give your friendships a good spring clean, I’ve identified six types of friends to look out for:
Contents
The gossiper
Everybody loves a bit of gossip now and then, but if you have a friend that is constantly gossiping about others, you may have a problem.
If your friend is constantly gossiping and speaking bad about others in your friendship group to you, then who’s to say they are not speaking bad about you to others? If they don’t have any loyalty towards your friends, how you can you trust that they have any loyalty to you?
The user
I saw this picture on Instagram and it just says it all! I obviously had to screenshot the image to add it to my endless collection of screenshots, just waiting to be my DP on WhatsApp as an indirect! Joke… ?
On a serious note, there’s nothing worse than a friend that only remembers your existence when they need something from you! Those are the people you need to say “Bye Felicia!” to.
The flaky friend
Give me a flake (chocolate bar) any day, but a flaky friend I want no part of. That was a lame joke, but whatever lol.
If you are making plans with a friend and you already know that they are going to cancel (sometimes very last minute), there’s an issue.
If you find that your friend is always finding one excuse or another to cancel your plans on a regular basis, you may have to start questioning that friend. This is especially true if they seem to have time to go out with their other friends, but not you. If they really want to see you, they would make the time to.
The friend that doesn’t support you
I personally felt this one a lot more when I started my blog. The lack of support from a few friends really got to me, so I wrote a post on it: “If your friend doesn’t support your blog are they really your friend?” – check it out and let me know what you think!
One of the characteristics of a good friend is them wanting you to do well. Everyone supports in their own way, but as long as you are both supporting and encouraging one another and helping each other reach their goals (if you have the power to do so), then you have yourself a good friend.
The friend who makes you feel like sh*t
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better. As bad as that is, it is a million times worse when it is your so-called “friend” doing this to you.
If your friend is always negative, constantly putting you down and making you feel like shit, then I’m sorry but that person is not your friend. Friendship is about uplifting one another, not pointing out your “shortcomings” (whether true or not) or even having something negative to say about your achievements.
Self-centred friends
Does your friend dominate the conversation and only talk about themselves and their problems? A friendship, like any relationship, involves more than one person. In an ideal world, the conversation would be split equally between the both of you, but in reality this is rarely the case. However, this does not mean that one should be so self-absorbed.
If your friend only talks about themselves and doesn’t even ask how you are and about the goings on in your life, that may be an indication that they just might not care. This has your relationship looking like more of a therapy session for them than a friendship!
Well those are the six types of friends that I think you may need to clean out of your life this spring.
One thing I would like to say is that, make sure that when you are looking at your friendships and the actions of your friends, make sure you also look at how you have been as a friend. Sometimes we are too quick to judge others and identify how they are failing us, that we don’t realise that we ourselves could do better.
I would love to know your opinions and if you have any other types of friends that you think we may need to watch out for, then please do leave them in the comments.
Well, until next time guys!
Debbie???
Follow my travels as I work towards my goal of visiting 25 countries before I turn 25:
I think doing a spring clean of friendships is vital to your mental wellbeing. There’s nothing worse than to be constantly worrying about who is a true friend. Who can you trust during a time of need. Great read! Don’t forget the stealer….always hangs around to steal your friends, boyfriends, ideas, clothes etc
Thank you!! Yes, I definitely agree, that’s why I prefer having a small group of close friends that I know I can always rely on. Urghhh, friends that steal from you are the worst – I was unfortunate to have experienced this last year and I’m still annoyed everytime I think about it. ?
good post! I think true friends are to find. Maybe in the beginning things works great but in my experience eventually people change and that’s where friendship changes. Cleansing the toxic ones is definitely though for your own mental well-bieng for sure! ?
Thank you!! I agree, time reveals all, unfortunately sometimes too late. That’s exactly why we need to cleanse those toxic ones out before they can do too much damage.
Yup that’s true! 🙂
Hmm yeah. The flaky friend can be someone who doesn’t value you as much, so it’s easy for her/him to cancel plans. Good points.
Thank you!! Yeah, it’s a real shame when one person values the friendship and the other does not.
Well damn, I really relate to this post. I’ve learned in recent years to start to cut out bad friends, for example some years back I had a friend that was a ‘gossiper’ (ofc I found out she also gossips about me), and was also self centered and unsupportive. I’ve had so many self centered and unsupportive friends. What I’ve been seeing recently is more flaky friends – although I havent cut these out I know I can’t trust them!
http://Skylish.co.uk
Thank you!! Glad you found it relatable and I really hope it was helpful too! In terms of the flaky friends, I just find myself distancing myself from them. If they don’t want to make the effort, then why should I?
Cool post, I think it’s time to sieve out some fake friends in my life(very important) for example the friends that intimidate me with words.
Thank you!! Yes definitely need to sieve out them fake friends and yes intimidation shouldn’t be part of any friendship. I hope it all goes well for you! ?
thanks debbie